Affection, Acceptance and Unconditional Love Quotes

Affection, acceptance and unconditonal love. We all want it. We all look for it. But when we find it, it’s flat out terrifying. Because just as quickly as we may have found it, it can disappear. And we’re back out there in the cold, alone.

-Meredith Grey from <Grey’s Anatomy>

저기압 In NEW YORK (2011~)

날씨도 저기압, 기분도 저기압이다. 지난주에는 밤에도 30도 정도로 덥더니 갑자기 기온이 떨어져서 17도다. 어젯밤에 춥게 자서 지금 콧물 나온다. 더운 것보단 좋은데 갑작스러운 변화에 적응이 안된다. 일주일간 휴가 갔다 돌아온 남편은 계절성 우울증(날씨가 추워지면 기분이 다운된다) 해결 방법을 찾는다고 아침부터 lightbox 불빛 쐬고, 빌딩 옥상에 있는 사우나갔다가 수영하고 아침부터 부산하다. 어떻게든 문제를 극복하려고 노력하는 게 안쓰럽다. 나는 남편과 반대로 햇빛 쨍한 날, 더운 여름을 별로 좋아하지 않는다. Seasons are my least concern. Anyway I am depressed most of the time due to homesickness and PMS. So who's in a better place, me or him? 

지난 금요일은 최악이었다. 수업 4개가 아침 11시부터 밤10시까지 있고 중간중간에 공강시간이 40분, 2시간, 1시간 이렇게 있었는데, 졸린 걸 참고 공부한게 잘못이었다. 저녁 7시 마지막 수업이 3시간짜리 화학실험. (이유는 모르겠지만, 여기 화학실험실에는 의자가 없다. 생물실험실에는 의자가 있고. 학과 재정 때문인지? 지난 학기에 6시간 연속 수업 때는 최소 4시간을 계속 서 있었다. 정 다리 아프면 가끔 조교 몰래 책상에 앉기도 한다.) 원래 운좋으면 1시간만에 끝날 수 있는 간단한 실험(보통 첫 실험은 쉽다)이었는데, 내가 고른 unknown sample이 마침 melting point가 가장 높은 239-242도인 4-chlorobenzoic acid였다! 총 16개 중에서 최악이 걸릴 확률은 6.25%. That's my luck. 다 끝나니 9시15분. 다른 조들은 이미 다 떠났고, 나와 파트너만 남아서 비몽사몽 간에 얘기하면서 버텼다. 다행히 실험 수업에서 파트너 운은 좋은 편이다. 이날 유난히 피곤했던 이유는, 1. 내 물병을 남편이 휴가에 가져가서 dehydrated됨 2. PMS 3.학교 에어콘이 너무 세서 추웠음 4. 화학 강의 중 반을 이해못한 스트레스 등등

어제 시어머니가 휴가지에서 사오신 선물이다. 탈부착할 수 있는 가죽 끈이 있어서 크로스로 맬 수 있는 purse. 너무 귀여워서 볼때마다 웃게 된다. 지금은 유태인 설날 연휴다. Happy new year!


Nightmare In NEW YORK (2011~)

Brains work in a funny way. I had a nightmare last night. I rarely remember any dreams. But when I remember one, it's usually bad. This nightmare reflected a few things that happened and are happening to me in real life. 

In the dream, I was in a class of my favorite professor who teaches neuroscience I took last year and psychopharmacology I am taking now. I never spoke to her in person because I didn't need her help with the class material (got an A+) and I didn't think I would be so into science afterwards. So this psychopharmacology is a good chance to let her know about me and to get advice. I try not to, but I can't help feeling pressured to prove myself in class. In her class in my dream, I was supposed to present in front of class, which I didn't know beforehand. So I panicked and frantically prepared for the presentation in my head while other students were actually doing. Besides this unexpected assignment, it is the reason I didn't know about it that scared me most. I somehow misread her email. This leads to my problem with the organic chemistry professor with a thick Indian accent. I could basically understand 50% of what she says. I can't drop the class because dropping it means delaying graduation. So I have been studying orgo for the last two days. Also, I got a rejection from the mentoring program through email correspondence. And I got another rejection last night right before I went to bed. It was from the undergraduate lab assistant position in Weill Cornell that I applied for one day before. She responded to my enthusiastic email saying she needs someone in the second or third year. I said I am a senior because that's what school classifies me. And it's her fault that she didn't specify that in the first place. I wrote her back explaining I won't be graduating in 1-2 years and asking her if there is anything else that doesn't qualify me for the position. No response yet. So there we go. Misunderstanding or inability to understand something is my biggest fear. When you live in a foreign country, unfortunately, this happens all the time. Of course, I got used to it. But I still can't get over it. It hurts every time it happens.


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